Relationship expert Tracy McMillan talks hosting OWN’s ‘Family or Fiancé’ Season 2
During a roundtable discussion attended by BlackFilmandTV.com and other journalists, relationship expert Tracy McMillan discussed hosting Season 2 of OWN’s “Family or Fiancé,” Moderating the event was Francesca Amiker, who is the morning entertainment anchor at 11 Alive News (NBC Atlanta) in Atlanta.
Hosted by relationship expert Tracy McMillan, “Family or Fiancé” follows engaged couples who bring their disapproving families together for three days under one roof. In this high-stakes social experiment, the couples and extended families participate in activities designed to strengthen their bonds, unpack their differences, and show some very complicated relationships in a whole new light. In the end, the families’ concerns may make the couples reconsider their unions, or revelations might cause any concerns to fall away. “Family or Fiancé” is from Bunim/Murray Productions.
Tracy McMillan is a television writer, relationship expert and author, whose credits include Mad Men, Good Girls Revolt, Marvel's Runaways, and United States of Tara. She’s the author of three books – a memoir, I Love You and I’m Leaving You Anyway; a novel, Multiple Listings; and a relationship book, Why You’re Not Married… Yet. The latter is based on the viral blog Why You’re Not Married, which for more than two years was the most-viewed article in the history of the Huffington Post. Tracy’s made numerous television appearances, including Oprah Winfrey’s Super Soul Sunday, NBC’s dating show Ready For Love, The Today Show, Access Hollywood Live, Katie and more. Her TedX talk The Person You Really Need to Marry has more than 9.7 million views.
Francesca Amiker: What do we have in store for the couples this season. Season Two and how is it differentiated from season one?
Tracy McMillan: Well, I would say that one of the big things, differences between season one and season two is that the couples on our show this season have seen season one, and they want the healing. So they come ready to do the work. And that means get real, get honest and just confront everything that's happening in their relationships and in their family.
Francesca Amiker: Now, would you say that there are some repeated themes? Because obviously, I think the theme for me was communication is key. But I feel like that's a big broad umbrella. What are some themes that you as their relationship expert had to pull out? And that you kind of saw with every single show?
Tracy McMillan: Well, one of the main themes is about generational trauma and healing the black family. Obviously, we are in a point in our society where we are dealing with our trauma. One of the most powerful things that happened this season was healing between black men and their mothers. I don't think I've ever seen as many black men go to that place of vulnerability and greed and have a healing. It is so powerful.
Francesca Amiker: Why is this show necessary? Because as I was watching it, there were so many healing benefits. Yeah, these families come together. The family comes in, the young lady doesn't even talk to or say hello to the family. Yeah. How is this supposed to work? But this show is necessary?
Tracy McMillan: Oh, absolutely. Here's the thing, this is a very universal problem, that you choose a partner that confronts your family in some way that they don't want to look at. Now, the other part of it is that your family confronts you in some way that you don't want to look at. Now, that's not by accident. The fact of the matter is we partner, oftentimes out of the wounds that were created in our family, in our growing up times, and in our childhood. So when we pick a partner, usually what we're doing is picking someone who's going to activate everything that has been unresolved in us that we brought in from childhood. Now oftentimes, that unresolved stuff is coming in from our parents’ childhood and their childhood, and their childhood as black people, slavery is a huge issue. So it's like, we get a chance when we choose partners to have a healing within ourselves and within our families. And that's why this shows necessary.
Francesca Amiker: We're talking three days right. I want your unique coaching technique, because it's very, not only beneficial, but it works. You have results out of this code.
Tracy McMillan: I want to say that I'm the facilitator. One of the things is that everyone has a thing inside themselves that we heal ourselves. We're here for the healing. We need a facilitator and that's what I do. And that's what the process is. People come in, they sit down in that sofa on day one, and they're like, “what could you do for us in three days?”, and I'm like, “You're not even going to be the same person when this is over”.
And they don't believe me. And by 24 hours later, they come in on day one, they're all like, “Yay, we're in love,” and then on day two, they're all like, “what just happened?” The fact of the matter is, what just happened is everything that was lying beneath the surface of their relationships and their families is now out. And what I would say and what I do say to the couples is be as honest as you can. People think that if they get along, that's how you're going to like they don't say the thing. That's the scary thing to say they don't tell the scary truth. They think that's how they're going to make a relationship and a family work. But in fact, it's the complete opposite. By day two, it's all out on the table, but by day three, you're starting to deal with it. And so one of the main things that I want to get across is that being really pretty radically honest, is what gets you the breakthroughs.